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Healing From God

For years this question rolls around in the back of my mind. Why God does not heal me?  The answer is simple. God needed me to have Cerebral Palsy to do his work and to do his will.

After I was born I could not get enough oxygen to my brain, so that cause Cerebral Palsy. Cerebral Palsy affects my speech, my legs and my arms. It is hard to understand me so I have to repeat myself. Once I listen to myself on a tape recorder and I had a difficult time to understand myself. I have a hard time walking, so I hit a lot of walls. My hands are spastic so somebody has to feed me but I can drive a car.

So, why God does not heal me? I went to so many healing services but I still have Cerebral Palsy. But I believe each time I went to a healing service God had heal me, in some way.  When I was 13 years old in 1977 mom took me to Lourdes in France. In 1858 Virgin Marry appeared to a girl name Bernadette. Many people were healed, who went there.

When I was in Lourdes a great peace fill my heart. The Holy Spirit was in me. As we drove out of Lourdes a thought ran through my mind. Jesus could heal me anywhere. At mass, when I receive Him through Holy Communion. I felt peaceful and thankful because I knew my God had a plan for me as a person with Cerebral Palsy. I was healed. Not from Cerebral Palsy but I had accepted that I was a person with Cerebral Palsy.

Through my life I had many struggles that I had to overcome like any other person. When I was in my 20, I moved to Grande Prairie and lived alone. That was when I was starting to write poetry. Through my poetry I grew close to God.

Every third Thursday of the month there is a healing service in Grande Prairie and many times I when to it. When I was in my 40, I had a hard time communicated with so many people. I found my speech was holding me back with so many things like in my business and I stopped going out alone.  I was frustrated with my life.

At one healing service, I went up to a guy that who I knew. I thought he would be able to understand me. When he asked me what do you want me to pray for? I told him, I want to speak clearly.

 He answered what? So I said it again.

He said, ”What?

 I said, “I want to talk.”

 “What?’ he answered, “I could not understand you.”

 So I said, “Talk Talk!!”  As my voice was getting louder and louder.

He replied “Sorry Chuck I can’t understand you.” I thought that he wouldn’t understand me so I said something else. I knew if I say it again I would have break down crying.

As he was praying over me a grate peace fell over me. As I went back to sit down I knew I have to accept my speech problem. Over the next few days I asked God to help me to accept his will for me. He healed me not my speech problem but he healed me so I accept my cross he had given to me.

Why God does not heal me? God needs me with Cerebral Palsy to do a job for him. God had healed me not from Cerebral Palsy, but he had wiped away my tears and gives me a reason to be happy.

I like end with a poem inn 1988.

Why Me?

I woke up this morning,
and the fighting began.
I fight to sit up in bed.
I fight with my hands to pull up my pants.

I need help
with eating,
with dressing.
I am afraid that no one will understand me.
I'm afraid to ask a girl for a date
because of my speech.

Every time I say something,
I repeat myself two
or three times.
Why should I have to repeat myself?

When I walk,
I fall.
It causes me pain
that never goes away.
That pain stays with me until I die.
Why me, O God?

When I am asleep, 
I dream I can talk.
I can run and jump,
I have a girl.

Then I woke up.
The war inside of me starts again.
It’s like I'm in jail, in my own body,
serving a lifetime.

But I'm still lucky.
A lot of people are worse off than me.
I thank God for who I am.

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By Charles Breunig




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